““But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”
You know you are supposed to pray for people who have hurt you, but sometimes it's hard, especially if that person is still in your life. We're encouraged to forgive and move on, but forgiving the person who caused so much pain is not easy.
You might be in a position where that person, or possibly faith leaders in your life are pressuring you to forgive. I want to show you how to genuinely find forgiveness in your heart and get to a place where you can pray for and bless that person.
Before we get into how to pray for and bless those who have abused you, let's establish a few key points. Remind yourself of these truths as you process through forgiveness, into praying for and blessing your abuser.
Forgiveness is not excusing their behavior
God has already forgiven you in Christ
God has already forgiven them in Christ
You can choose to let go of the pain
The pain no longer defines you
How Do I Know I Have Forgiven?
I hear this question often, "how do I know if I have forgiven them?" It's a valid and sincere question. I fear that performance-centered religion often drives the question, and I fear that the actual abuser may be forcing the issue.
They're either pressuring you to forgive them, or you have been made to believe that God won't forgive you if you don't forgive. Jesus did say "forgive, or your Father in Heaven won't forgive you," but that was before he paid for you sin, you are forgiven in Christ alone.
Toxic forgiveness is in place when your abuser is guilting you into forgiveness. Usually, they're just trying to cleanse their guilty conscience - be aware, don't fall into that trap.
True forgiveness is when you have released the pain at a heart level, and it no longer defines any aspect of your identity. If you identify with the abuse, you have not released your abuser from your heart, but you can.
SEEK TRUE FORGIVENESS
Let's first define the word "forgive" before we discuss how you can know you have truly forgiven.
To lift up
Pardon
To cover
Make atonement
To send away (to bid going away)
To leave, go away from
To go away and leave something behind
As you can see, forgiveness is a dynamic concept. Jesus gives us the key to true forgiveness when he says to bless and pray for those who have hurt you.
How Do I Pray For and Bless My Abuser?
How does Jesus pray for those who have abused him? "Father forgive them, they don't know what they're doing." He sees the person instead of the pain they caused him. He understands they are acting out of their ignorance.
You are not giving them an excuse when you forgive them, you are choosing to remove the power they have over you. You are allowing your opinion of that person to transcend their sin. In a sense, you are doing what God did for you, “loved you before you loved him.” You are choosing NOT to let someone else's sin define you.
The quickest path to true forgiveness is not to analyze yourself, it’s to pray for them. Pray for them as you would pray for your favorite person. Pray for their healing and forgiveness. Pray they can release their pain. Pray they can know God’s love and be set free from their guilt and shame.
Luke 6:27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
You might be able to pray for them, but how do you bless them? Let’s define “bless.”
"Bless" Word Study
Bless - eulogeōfrom (from two words)
eu - farewell, prosper, be well off
logos - word - speech
"To bless someone is to speak to their wellbeing."
There are a few usages of the word "bless."
Invoke blessings (invoke - cite or appeal to (someone or something) as an authority for an action or in support of an argument.)
of one taking leave
of one at the point of death
The idea in usage TWO is to bless someone as if they are going away, or as if they are on their death bed. Interestingly, usage two is the one applied in Luke 6:27. Bless them as if they are going away. They ARE going away because you are choosing to send them away. You are choosing to send away the pain they caused you. And you are choosing to send away the bitterness and anger you have against them.
Let's Put It All Together
If someone hurt or abused you, you are to forgive them because your father in Heaven has forgiven you. You are to pray for them as Jesus prayed for his enemies; he asked that their sin not be held against them. He was not bitter or angry when he prayed, and he prayed for them out of compassion due to their ignorance.
Jesus knew he had the authority to release forgiveness for them. In a way, you do as well. You have the power to administer forgiveness in their lives by forgiving them yourself. If they can experience your forgiveness, they may be able to open their hearts to receive forgiveness from God, should they choose to accept it.
You are then instructed to bless them. But you are to bless them as you would someone that is leaving you or getting ready to leave this world. This is where the aspect of "sending them away," from the definition of "forgiveness" comes into play.
This denotes boundaries. You are to release them as if they are going away from your life. You're not holding on to the hurt, you're not holding on to the anger, but you are also not holding on to them. You are bidding them farewell from your heart, and possibly even your life.
You are praying for them and speaking life over them as they carry on with their lives, unable to hurt you any longer because you are choosing to leave it all behind.
Forgiveness Exercise
Let's try something practical. If you have someone in your life who has hurt you and the pain is still there, try this.
Write their name.
Write a few of God's promises for them.
Write what you hope they experience in their heart from experiencing God's love.
Envision them departing from your heart, no longer able to create emotions within you.
